1 st MISTAKE OF MY LIFE

(Read '3 mistakes of my life' two days back! )

i never listened to my parents, always argued for whatever i felt was right...

i was asked not to apply for navodaya entrance exam, i did...
i was asked not to prepare for it, i studied...
i was asked not to write the exam, i wrote..
i was asked not to join the school, i did...............and that was the 1st mistake of my life....


my first day in navodaya, aravali dormetry... our seniors wanted us to stay happy, so they arranged a freshers party, a small one, with dance and songs.. we pretended to be happy .. damn it! i was feeling home sick! i wanted to lie down, i saved my tears for bed time. and i guess all the freshers were feeling the same...

we were nodding at whatever seniors said, we were laughing for their so-called comedies..
and we heard knock at the door... none of us cared to open the door... knock at the door grew more intense..

who the hell is this?? someone got fed up with the knock and open the door.. everyone got stuck ! our mouth wide open! it was rosy mam, our wise principal, everyone feared her to death! everyone turned silent for a moment.. she came forward, grabbed a hanger from the stand, and started beating everyone's leg.. freshers were not punished, but we couldn't help our seniors getting punished, i didn't have courage even to close my eyes.. she left the dome leaving everyone in tears.. i went to bed, that was the worst night a 11 year old could have.. i thought of my home,achan, amma, ettan.. i didn't know why the picture of everyone i loved came to my mind at the moment... i tried desperately to sleep, i couldn't........

i was never able to adjust with that life style.. i didn't know to tie my hair, i didn't know how to tie my shoe lays,i didn't know to wash my clothes ( i don't know that even now) , i didn't know to eat without wasting....
so, it was a hell...


and..for forgetting an umbrella, i was made to sit up 50 times.. i couldn't walk the next day..i couldn't climb up the steps, i couldn't move my legs...
i burst into tears when my parents came for a visit...
and...i got a tc....:).. one of the happiest moment in my life...

i came back to chinmaya.. my class welcomed me with claps! our class teacher , nishanth sir knew me well.. he didn't even strike my name from attendance list, though i was not in school for more than a month, he knew well that i would come back!! :)

MY 2nd HEART

( dialogues are probable ones.. i dont remember everything..it was long back..)

As i told i am lazy.. i always woke up late.. my achan always scolded for getting up late, still no improvement!!!!

it was long back...i guess i was in 2nd standard.. a school day.. as usual i woke up at 7:30, brushed my teeth, was about to oil my hair.. a day dreamer i am. i was staring at something, i touched my finger tip, for a second i got stuck..i could feel hear beat! what??? whats happening to me??? 

i knew well enough that i could feel pulse in my wrist, but i never knew that i could feel it in finger tip..


so, how could i feel heart beat in my finger tip?? as i told, i was about to oil my hair.. i was standing still.. amma was busy cooking, but i wanted to know whether i she could feel the same.. i went and grasped her hand.
"achuuu...... what were you doing? don't wanna go school?? your auto mama will come soon. why aren't you getting ready? i need to go? what were you doing? y didn't you take bath yet? "
as usual..questions, questions and questions...

she knew well that i'm never gonna answer these endless questions....

no! i couldn't feel anything in her hand.. so, this was something special...
i locked myself in bathroom..the only private place a 8 year can find....
i kept thinking..


i touched my finger tips again..my hands were shivering this time. oh! i can't feel it..thank god!!
i felt relived.. went to school.. in between the classes i tried touched my finger tips.. ohh..its still there!!

so..what can i do?? i felt it often, but not always.. i'm sure i listened nothing that day.. i was sure something was happening to me..errr something happened to me..

and i came to a solution... i had ANOTHER HEART... a small one, a tiny one.. in my finger tip.. it was special..god gifted it only to me.. so i was special....

i wanted to do something..what if i tell this to amma?? oh no..she may feel this is a defect..physics teachers never understand the value of another heart.. she will take me to doctor..damn! i'm afraid of needles, he'll get my finger operated . i'll need to stay at hospital , i will miss my classes (i dont know why i cared a lot about my classes those days) no,no,no..am not going to tell this to amma..

so..i would tell this to anu, my best friend..oh no..no way!! her dad knows my achan..he'll tell this to my achan..i didn't want that to happen..

this is a blessing! i never wanna bother about a heart attack! if i wish, i can donate this to someone who is in need..and i'll be a star! my name would get printed in books! people will ask about me in G.K quizes..


so..i'm gonna operate this myself.. i'll be a doctor, then i'll do this myself.. A DOCTOR FINDS A HEART IN HIS FINGER TIP.. this will be the heading of leading news papers.. i'll be famous..i'll get nobel prize.. and i'lll......

 oh! i was always good at dreaming....................:)

years passed..and once i realized that it was only my pulse that i felt..i felt like.. what for am living??
i always dreamt of operating my hand.. and now, i can;t....

MYSELF

I'm ashwathi....this is my first post....i guess i should start with a post about myself.. i know its a difficult start, but u need to get to know me...

i would call myself an ordinary girl from a middle class family.. am the youngest in my family..

i know well that am lazy, but its difficult to change me.. i like what i am..i know what i am..
so I'm lazy and i love sleeping, i love dreaming.. (both day and night)..
Am a silent girl, i don't talk a lot..i am good listener.. i don't know whether i am good at solving problems, i listen to it!

and.. as this post make it clear..am not good in organizing things..i don't know what 2 say first and what to say last.. i just keep telling whatever i feel in mind..

then..i always loved to be a boy..a path to freedom...

well ..that's all that come to my mind ..

im not a good writer, am not a poet, am not a photographer..
i hav a few thoughts which i would like to share..
thats all about me :)