Entering last phase of 3 years of Post graduation!

 I joined Lourdes on 29 th May 2019. Just a few more months left before I leave my department

and hospital. And then, Pop! Out into the real world.  There is a sense of peace

and calmness I experience while i work here, while I study here. There is a momentum that I

donot want to loose. A sense of security. A space to open up. A space to discuss. Few relations

that I made from here and life lessons that I learned. There is a weird feel I get when I think of

how life is going to be once I leave this place. I am so used to this routine -Waking up at 8,

punching before 8:30, rounds, discussions, classes, duties, department, and back to nightingale

hostel, few movies, eatouts and short trips. There was a sense of freedom I enjoyed in Kochi.

Life is never going to be the same again. Its a safe place, a closed space. Seniors used to tell us

that we grow close to department and madam as year passes by, and I get it now. A lot has

changed after I joined here, may be thats why post graduation period is crucial, about how it

shapes and moulds each one of us. Madam is not the kind of Head of the Departments I ve met

before, or will ever meet. She is more like a mentor. She is cosntantly worried about us,

motivates us, and guides us. She is proud of every student , and the littl

e achievements they

make in life. I hope i can make her proud someday.

(written on 31st Jan 2022)

New girl in the City!

 

I moved to Chandigarh on 17 th June, 2022.

I have been here for a couple of times before, first one before meeting V and a few times after meeting him. The City Beautiful. I remember someone telling me that this is one of the best places to li

ve in India. Well, I ll find out about that.

I ve only lived in places from where  I could get into an over night bus or train to go home. So, this, settling to a new city is different for me. Also I ve only been to places where I could meet and talk to many. I ve enjoyed my 5.5 yrs in TMC and my 3 years in Lourdes. And it was all because of my friends and colleagues. I am not sure whether I would be able to find a bunch here.

V is here. Other than him, I know our house owners, very sweet and kind, making me feel home.

I told V that I wanted to learn something new , and more importantly I wanted to talk to people, so I would join some classes. We went, I joined Acrylic painting class, but it turned out that I am the only student in my time slot, and it’s a one- to- one class, 1 hr everyday and it’s a pretty serious one. I even get to do homeworks.

This city is different. Or may be I feel its different from where I ve lived all these years. Different from kerala. I ve lived only in hostels- alone or with room mates, I should say, I enjoyed both. Here I m living in a rented house, with V. We stay on the top floor in a 3 storyed building. It’s a residential area. Quiet, and serene.

I am at present waiting for my results, I have plenty of free time, Why don’t I write down whats In my mind. I can capture photos, I ve plenty of them. But do they capture whats on my mind? Do I , after many years really remember or know what I was feeling when I shifted here.

When I was in school, at one point, I wanted to be pilot, another time a writer, then an astronaut , a doctor and what not. Well, you cant be many things at once, but whatever you are, you can still write. And read. I forgot the last time I read a book in fiction.

My new friend! Crazy , cute and naughty!

Water colour, one after a long time!

Fracture

In may 2017, after my final exams , we decided to chill! My parents were strict, they were sure to not let me go for that long girls trip, so I suggested one bike trip. Apparently I fell during our return. I sustained a fracture femur. #SOF , to be precise. I was taken to my own hospital, emergency OT, fixed the fracture. First 4 months of 2017 was me studying for final exams. And next 3 months was me lying in bed. It didn't feel Good. I think that's the worst time I ever had. Then I joined internship. But I had a limp. I wasn't quite sure whether this would go away or not, but I really prayed. So after another 3 months I could walk like normal. 2017 wasn't much of a Good year to me. I passed my exam, that was the only good thing. So , I had one nail in my leg, I decided to get rid of it. This time, it was pretty fine. Oh ,I can go on writing about it, but I don't want to, still I want it to be written here, In my blog. This picture is my legs when i got to step my foot outside home after very long time!

I'm back!

So, no one missed me! Because hardly anyone reads anything these days . My language didn't improve either. So it's the same old me. Why do I write something here? Because no one reads. Because I want to write. And Facebook, lot many people read, I don't think mine is too good for that. It's peaceful here. So, here. I haven't changed much over these time. Last month I met sai meera, my friend from school, she and her parents said I still look the same like when they saw me in school, so. Perspectives haven't changed much either. I will now be posting photos that I took, ( yes,I have an Instagram account), my thoughts, memories and what not! This is like an open diary. So its welcome back to myself! As this is my first post after a while I would better add a photo , Which probably will not have any relation with this post, that's a welcome back post to me! :D Hoping to be here for long!

Neyyamma ❤

Dear Neyyamma,

Even now I don't know why I call you neyyamma,  because ettan called you so,  I called you the same,  and then hari,  ammu,  aishu,  kunju, everyone called you neyyamma. The reason is still unknown. You were the one who took care of me right from when I was born. We waited for auto together,  u,  me, ettan, you would hold our bag,  our lunch kit,  2 umbrellas and wait for auto.  You would wait near our gate for us to return, and serve us hot tea and snacks.  I never liked tea made by my amma,  but I would drink yours. 12 years, the routine remained the same. The days I fall sick,  my parents would leave me with you.  You were our doctor,  our caretaker.  You always cleaned my wounds,  I used to call all the bad words at you,  that I knew at that age. On my study holidays, you would come home every two hours just to check whether I was ok,  u were the one to wake me up,  you were the one to switch off the TV,  you would always ask me to come with you, and study from your home,  in your room,  I never came. You were worried every minute I was late to reach home. You never called me in phone,  but you wait in verandah,  looking at every bus that passes by.  You saved mangoes,  so that it would ripe by the time I come home for vacation, u saved guavas,  Jack fruit and what not.  You always wanted me to have long hair,  but I always cut it short.  I always hoped I would be the one to normalise your high sugar and bp. You were always with me,  even when I came with Brocken bone,  you scolded,  but you took care of me,  more than anyone else. When I told you about graduation,  you were the one who told me that I will still not come back and stay at home,  so what difference does that make to you. Because you wanted everyone,  everyone to stay home,  stay together. Last month,  after my graduation,  I came running with my certificate and medal, and you hardly recognised me. One moment,  one moment I wished you would say something.  I realised you have turned weak over past few months.  As I see you in ICU, struggling,  I wish you doctor achu could help,  and do miracles like the one in your stories!

Dear Neyyamma,
I miss you terribly. The first one I come to whenever I come home was you. You would keep looking at each bus that passes by. And your first question was always whether I had any food. I miss your querries. You aren't here to wake me up in my long 4 hr post journey sleep. I miss shouting at you. That extra spoon of rice and Sambar you serve with love. That pure curd especially made for me. You never asked about studies, you only asked about food and whether I had taken bath. I miss reading and translating to you wedding invitations printed in English. Though I don't like getting married, I had decided to get a Malayalam wedding card of mine printed for you. I miss arguing with you for keeping short hair, for wearing dress of my choice, for sleeping till midnoon when mom and dad leave for work, and for wasting that Extra spoon of rice. I miss you. I miss you terribly. I don't know how to live here without you. I planned to stay home for a week, but I better leave tomorrow. I love you! I love you!