My new friend! Crazy , cute and naughty!

Water colour, one after a long time!

Fracture

In may 2017, after my final exams , we decided to chill! My parents were strict, they were sure to not let me go for that long girls trip, so I suggested one bike trip. Apparently I fell during our return. I sustained a fracture femur. #SOF , to be precise. I was taken to my own hospital, emergency OT, fixed the fracture. First 4 months of 2017 was me studying for final exams. And next 3 months was me lying in bed. It didn't feel Good. I think that's the worst time I ever had. Then I joined internship. But I had a limp. I wasn't quite sure whether this would go away or not, but I really prayed. So after another 3 months I could walk like normal. 2017 wasn't much of a Good year to me. I passed my exam, that was the only good thing. So , I had one nail in my leg, I decided to get rid of it. This time, it was pretty fine. Oh ,I can go on writing about it, but I don't want to, still I want it to be written here, In my blog. This picture is my legs when i got to step my foot outside home after very long time!

I'm back!

So, no one missed me! Because hardly anyone reads anything these days . My language didn't improve either. So it's the same old me. Why do I write something here? Because no one reads. Because I want to write. And Facebook, lot many people read, I don't think mine is too good for that. It's peaceful here. So, here. I haven't changed much over these time. Last month I met sai meera, my friend from school, she and her parents said I still look the same like when they saw me in school, so. Perspectives haven't changed much either. I will now be posting photos that I took, ( yes,I have an Instagram account), my thoughts, memories and what not! This is like an open diary. So its welcome back to myself! As this is my first post after a while I would better add a photo , Which probably will not have any relation with this post, that's a welcome back post to me! :D Hoping to be here for long!

Neyyamma ❤

Dear Neyyamma,

Even now I don't know why I call you neyyamma,  because ettan called you so,  I called you the same,  and then hari,  ammu,  aishu,  kunju, everyone called you neyyamma. The reason is still unknown. You were the one who took care of me right from when I was born. We waited for auto together,  u,  me, ettan, you would hold our bag,  our lunch kit,  2 umbrellas and wait for auto.  You would wait near our gate for us to return, and serve us hot tea and snacks.  I never liked tea made by my amma,  but I would drink yours. 12 years, the routine remained the same. The days I fall sick,  my parents would leave me with you.  You were our doctor,  our caretaker.  You always cleaned my wounds,  I used to call all the bad words at you,  that I knew at that age. On my study holidays, you would come home every two hours just to check whether I was ok,  u were the one to wake me up,  you were the one to switch off the TV,  you would always ask me to come with you, and study from your home,  in your room,  I never came. You were worried every minute I was late to reach home. You never called me in phone,  but you wait in verandah,  looking at every bus that passes by.  You saved mangoes,  so that it would ripe by the time I come home for vacation, u saved guavas,  Jack fruit and what not.  You always wanted me to have long hair,  but I always cut it short.  I always hoped I would be the one to normalise your high sugar and bp. You were always with me,  even when I came with Brocken bone,  you scolded,  but you took care of me,  more than anyone else. When I told you about graduation,  you were the one who told me that I will still not come back and stay at home,  so what difference does that make to you. Because you wanted everyone,  everyone to stay home,  stay together. Last month,  after my graduation,  I came running with my certificate and medal, and you hardly recognised me. One moment,  one moment I wished you would say something.  I realised you have turned weak over past few months.  As I see you in ICU, struggling,  I wish you doctor achu could help,  and do miracles like the one in your stories!

Dear Neyyamma,
I miss you terribly. The first one I come to whenever I come home was you. You would keep looking at each bus that passes by. And your first question was always whether I had any food. I miss your querries. You aren't here to wake me up in my long 4 hr post journey sleep. I miss shouting at you. That extra spoon of rice and Sambar you serve with love. That pure curd especially made for me. You never asked about studies, you only asked about food and whether I had taken bath. I miss reading and translating to you wedding invitations printed in English. Though I don't like getting married, I had decided to get a Malayalam wedding card of mine printed for you. I miss arguing with you for keeping short hair, for wearing dress of my choice, for sleeping till midnoon when mom and dad leave for work, and for wasting that Extra spoon of rice. I miss you. I miss you terribly. I don't know how to live here without you. I planned to stay home for a week, but I better leave tomorrow. I love you! I love you!

Can I be more stupid?

#canibemorestupid There was drizzle in morning.  I went for class.  Physiology from 9. Tea break at 11.  That was when we decided to go for telma's betrothal.  But I made plans to go home even before. Class got extended till 2. So, Netravati express was the only choice left and it was scheduled at 4 40 from shornur. There was more and enough time. You get to choose between go to shornur,  eat some snacks from station and go home,  or attend betrothal,  have delicious food and go home,  I would definitely go for second! The dress wasn't much appealing as one to be worn for a wedding, I still decided to go for it.  Free ride to church.  Beautiful bride-to-be, delicious lunch,  hot chocolate, and the train delay of 30 Mts. Everything was perfect. Took an auto to thrissur railway station. Bought ticket.  There was still quite time left.  I connected to railway WiFi. Started browsing. Madgaon express- Nop,  there's no stop in kanhangad. They Announced Netravati arrival . This train came,  one to Mumbai, there was much needed side seat. I clicked a picture.  Weather was perfect.  Train departed.  TT came to check the tickets. I had a sleeper ticket till payyannur .  He looked at at the ticket and looked at me twice and said that the train won't be going to payyannur, asked me to get down at wadakancheri ! That was when I realised I got into the wrong train.  I told him I ll get down at shornur.  But train wasn't going to shornur either. I got down at wadakancheri,  took the next bus to shornur. On my way, I could see my Netravati running parallel to my bus. My ksrtc wasn't bad either. Chased it. Got down at shornur station,  I already had the ticket,  straight to platform no 6 and waited for Netravati again! #didntmissitsecondtime😎
PS- I have been travelling from thrissur to home for around 6 yrs!

aysha♥

 (the whole post is not actually mine! i owe this to a fb friend,and this is a surprise for him)

Bach home after last show of vineeth srinivasan movie tattatin marayath. Twice i returned home coz i couldn't grab my tickets. This was the third time, i didn't wanna miss it this time, so i left my room at 6 in the evening. It was a much awaited movie. Akash was with me, my friend since my college days, busy texting. For a while i kept staring at him, and i never noticed his expressions before. For each text he recieved he had a diiferent smile, this guy would rock if casted for a movie!!! awesome expressions!!

It was 12:30, and..i didnt sleep yet!!!  Lying in this cozy bed i am thinking of what happened before the movie! Akash asked me twice what was wrong with me. I myself didn't know what the hell was happening to me. Guy who falls asleep before 10 is stilll awake, i was pretty much nocturnal in my college days, now things have changed, so I have changed..morning shifts in work changed me, i remembered how I hated waking up early in my school and college days. So, right now, I am thinking of what has happened to me. I was pretty normal before the movie. So, lemme remember something about the movie, vinod and aysha rocked! I knew what was happening, I was drawn into her thoughts, my ummachikutty, my aysha!

My plus 2 days were the best days of my life, meeting her made those days beautiful! I don't know the day and date i fell for her. I didn't know why she gifted my tight sleep so many beautiful dreams. May be after she came in my group for chemistry practicals (or was that i who luckily came in the same group as her's). I always went wrong in calculations in titrations. For the first time, someone else did it for me (willingly)
 and, for the first time i saw something in my record book worth reading! my handwriting is a mess, my friends wanted me to be a doctor!!! chemistry teacher smiled for the 1st time when she signed my records! i wondered how many times aysha would have received such smiles. I hardly knew until then that my chemistry teacher knew how to smile :)

So, i should say, she had a pretty good handwriting.Nah, it was not merely the handwriting that was pretty, she was pretty! and the smile she always wore made her beautiful. She was a chatter box, she rarely spoke, but she talked to Mr.freak siddharth raghunath (don't worry, thats me ;)) atleast during chemistry practicals which came twice a week, tuesday and friday afternoons. Those chemistry practicals gifted me the best hours of life.I felt a missing heartbeat whenever i talked to her. I couldn't help myself staring at her, though i tried no to.

Those were the best days of my life. But, Mr.Fate always plays prank on me. And this time it came as the game truth or dare. That was one among the most popular games we played during free hours. I always loved to choose dare and i loved it when my friends sing "jhony jhony ,yes papa.." , imitate teachers, dance on the table top..and what not! As usual, I went for dare, but my friends insisted me to choose truth. I loved a change. I don't remember who, but someone asked me to tell the name of my crush. I smiled , and shuddered my shoulders to say a no. " hey, it won't be made public yaar.. it will remain as a secret, thats what the rules of the game says.. so please. And we aren't fools to believe that sidd doesn't have a crush. Your face make it clear!" Gosh! Does the name sidd mean that you have a crush!
Its aysha, said I. I could feel a lump in my heart when I said the name.

No secret in the world remain as secret if opened to 5 classmates (this is the theory i formulated then!!) . Aysha came to know about this. She stopped speaking, she stopped smiling, she tried hiding her eyes,.. Chemistry practicals couldn't solve this.I couldn't utter a word for the next five months , to the girl whom i wanted to speak the most. In those 5 months came model exams, practical exams and our final exams.After a  month of autographs and promises of ever brimming promises, came the last day of exams.. it was Biology.

Aysha was seated two benches ahead of mine. At a moment I felt it was better to keep looking at her than writing the exam. I knew that life won't be the same again. I didn't know what her ambition was. (i didn't have an ambition myself) I didn't even know whether she preferred studying further (most of the muslim girls didn't). Biology exam was always a team work. I compleated exam as fast a as i could. I wished i could keep staring at her...my whole life! Life never move as we wish and i heard the bell.

We were out of the exam room. Everyone was busy talking about the results , admissions, career and obviously their vacation plans... My eyes kept searching for aysha, who was nowhere to be seen. She left without a word, may be she didn't wanna bid a goodbye even!  We( me and friends) kept roaming..commenting on the artworks on desks, how we improved drawing skills in boaring hours, we were pretty sure that we would miss our school days.. the fun , laughter, promises, tears, hugs ..and what not!

Then came a girl, running towards us, trying to figure out me, from the gang! And that was.......................not my aysha :(, but the girl with whom she spent most of her time, the only girl in the class, she called with a pet name, shree.. ( in 2 yrs time, i gathered as much information as i could, about aysha, my personal research, this is one among my findings! ) I donno whether her name is sreelekshmi, sridevi or whatever.. but she was aysha's best buddy, shree! 'where were u?i had been running in the whole school campus to find you, aysha is waiting, in our classroom, i gotta go home now, its getting late, bye, and best wishes'

aysha is waiting..aysha is waiting.. aysha is waiting... those were golden words.. i kept repeating it, till i reached my classroom. The whole school was deserted, except few of my classmates near the tea stall, rest left for the matinee.. my heart beats reached maximum as i neared my classroom. There i saw aysha, sitting in the second last bench, her heads down. I went near , I sat beside her, gained enough confidence to look into her eyes, only to notice that she was crying. I never had experience consoling someone. My mind went blank for a moment, and then, i holded her hands. I wanted to wipe tears off her face, i couldn't. No sardarji jokes came to my mind then ( I know that its not the time for jokes, but i used to gift my sizzy laughing tears after the India-pak war we usually have at home)

Silence followed the tears. I don't know how long i stayed, without uttering a word( very rare in my life history). I desperately tried searching for words, to find a topic to speak on, i couldn't.. "siddh, i love you" ,she was the one who broke the silence. Best moment of my life, that proved that i am worth something. I wanted to tell her how deadly i wished she was mine.. how deadly i waited for this moment, and so many dialogues i framed each night. All i could say was.. 'but..'. Me, Siddharth Raghunath, turned practical for a moment,( happened only once in my lifetime)  I tried to say no to what my heart said, and went after my brain.

"I know that its not possible..., i don't want you to say an yes, i just wanted to say what i felt for you, i never wanted to fall in love with anyone, it just happened, it just happened.. i have no control over my emotions, i didn't want it talk to you anymore, i was sure that we can't be 'just friends'.. i tried to stay away from you, for the past five months, thanks for being so kind, thanks for coming to me now, thanks for those wonderful moments in chemistry lab, and my whole plus two life... i don't want an answer, your answer is not gonna change what is to come, it isn't gonna change my fate..bye" said she.

We walked together, till the school gate, she turned left, and me, to right. If i stayed with her for a few more moments, i would've opened my heart, and as she said..'it won't do anything good..' i didn't turn back..to look at her one more time!

I checked my phone.Its 3 in the morning,have to get up at 6. 1 text message. It was from Akash

"superb film ryt? will watch again.
tomorrow. evening show

gud nyt"

I pulled my bed sheet to cover my face, all i wanted then, was a tight sleep................