Neyyamma ❤

Dear Neyyamma,

Even now I don't know why I call you neyyamma,  because ettan called you so,  I called you the same,  and then hari,  ammu,  aishu,  kunju, everyone called you neyyamma. The reason is still unknown. You were the one who took care of me right from when I was born. We waited for auto together,  u,  me, ettan, you would hold our bag,  our lunch kit,  2 umbrellas and wait for auto.  You would wait near our gate for us to return, and serve us hot tea and snacks.  I never liked tea made by my amma,  but I would drink yours. 12 years, the routine remained the same. The days I fall sick,  my parents would leave me with you.  You were our doctor,  our caretaker.  You always cleaned my wounds,  I used to call all the bad words at you,  that I knew at that age. On my study holidays, you would come home every two hours just to check whether I was ok,  u were the one to wake me up,  you were the one to switch off the TV,  you would always ask me to come with you, and study from your home,  in your room,  I never came. You were worried every minute I was late to reach home. You never called me in phone,  but you wait in verandah,  looking at every bus that passes by.  You saved mangoes,  so that it would ripe by the time I come home for vacation, u saved guavas,  Jack fruit and what not.  You always wanted me to have long hair,  but I always cut it short.  I always hoped I would be the one to normalise your high sugar and bp. You were always with me,  even when I came with Brocken bone,  you scolded,  but you took care of me,  more than anyone else. When I told you about graduation,  you were the one who told me that I will still not come back and stay at home,  so what difference does that make to you. Because you wanted everyone,  everyone to stay home,  stay together. Last month,  after my graduation,  I came running with my certificate and medal, and you hardly recognised me. One moment,  one moment I wished you would say something.  I realised you have turned weak over past few months.  As I see you in ICU, struggling,  I wish you doctor achu could help,  and do miracles like the one in your stories!

Dear Neyyamma,
I miss you terribly. The first one I come to whenever I come home was you. You would keep looking at each bus that passes by. And your first question was always whether I had any food. I miss your querries. You aren't here to wake me up in my long 4 hr post journey sleep. I miss shouting at you. That extra spoon of rice and Sambar you serve with love. That pure curd especially made for me. You never asked about studies, you only asked about food and whether I had taken bath. I miss reading and translating to you wedding invitations printed in English. Though I don't like getting married, I had decided to get a Malayalam wedding card of mine printed for you. I miss arguing with you for keeping short hair, for wearing dress of my choice, for sleeping till midnoon when mom and dad leave for work, and for wasting that Extra spoon of rice. I miss you. I miss you terribly. I don't know how to live here without you. I planned to stay home for a week, but I better leave tomorrow. I love you! I love you!