(the whole post is not actually mine! i owe this to a fb friend,and this is a surprise for him)
Bach home after last show of vineeth srinivasan movie tattatin marayath. Twice i returned home coz i couldn't grab my tickets. This was the third time, i didn't wanna miss it this time, so i left my room at 6 in the evening. It was a much awaited movie. Akash was with me, my friend since my college days, busy texting. For a while i kept staring at him, and i never noticed his expressions before. For each text he recieved he had a diiferent smile, this guy would rock if casted for a movie!!! awesome expressions!!
It was 12:30, and..i didnt sleep yet!!! Lying in this cozy bed i am thinking of what happened before the movie! Akash asked me twice what was wrong with me. I myself didn't know what the hell was happening to me. Guy who falls asleep before 10 is stilll awake, i was pretty much nocturnal in my college days, now things have changed, so I have changed..morning shifts in work changed me, i remembered how I hated waking up early in my school and college days. So, right now, I am thinking of what has happened to me. I was pretty normal before the movie. So, lemme remember something about the movie, vinod and aysha rocked! I knew what was happening, I was drawn into her thoughts, my ummachikutty, my aysha!
My plus 2 days were the best days of my life, meeting her made those days beautiful! I don't know the day and date i fell for her. I didn't know why she gifted my tight sleep so many beautiful dreams. May be after she came in my group for chemistry practicals (or was that i who luckily came in the same group as her's). I always went wrong in calculations in titrations. For the first time, someone else did it for me (willingly)
and, for the first time i saw something in my record book worth reading! my handwriting is a mess, my friends wanted me to be a doctor!!! chemistry teacher smiled for the 1st time when she signed my records! i wondered how many times aysha would have received such smiles. I hardly knew until then that my chemistry teacher knew how to smile :)
So, i should say, she had a pretty good handwriting.Nah, it was not merely the handwriting that was pretty, she was pretty! and the smile she always wore made her beautiful. She was a chatter box, she rarely spoke, but she talked to Mr.freak siddharth raghunath (don't worry, thats me ;)) atleast during chemistry practicals which came twice a week, tuesday and friday afternoons. Those chemistry practicals gifted me the best hours of life.I felt a missing heartbeat whenever i talked to her. I couldn't help myself staring at her, though i tried no to.
Those were the best days of my life. But, Mr.Fate always plays prank on me. And this time it came as the game truth or dare. That was one among the most popular games we played during free hours. I always loved to choose dare and i loved it when my friends sing "jhony jhony ,yes papa.." , imitate teachers, dance on the table top..and what not! As usual, I went for dare, but my friends insisted me to choose truth. I loved a change. I don't remember who, but someone asked me to tell the name of my crush. I smiled , and shuddered my shoulders to say a no. " hey, it won't be made public yaar.. it will remain as a secret, thats what the rules of the game says.. so please. And we aren't fools to believe that sidd doesn't have a crush. Your face make it clear!" Gosh! Does the name sidd mean that you have a crush!
Its aysha, said I. I could feel a lump in my heart when I said the name.
No secret in the world remain as secret if opened to 5 classmates (this is the theory i formulated then!!) . Aysha came to know about this. She stopped speaking, she stopped smiling, she tried hiding her eyes,.. Chemistry practicals couldn't solve this.I couldn't utter a word for the next five months , to the girl whom i wanted to speak the most. In those 5 months came model exams, practical exams and our final exams.After a month of autographs and promises of ever brimming promises, came the last day of exams.. it was Biology.
Aysha was seated two benches ahead of mine. At a moment I felt it was better to keep looking at her than writing the exam. I knew that life won't be the same again. I didn't know what her ambition was. (i didn't have an ambition myself) I didn't even know whether she preferred studying further (most of the muslim girls didn't). Biology exam was always a team work. I compleated exam as fast a as i could. I wished i could keep staring at her...my whole life! Life never move as we wish and i heard the bell.
We were out of the exam room. Everyone was busy talking about the results , admissions, career and obviously their vacation plans... My eyes kept searching for aysha, who was nowhere to be seen. She left without a word, may be she didn't wanna bid a goodbye even! We( me and friends) kept roaming..commenting on the artworks on desks, how we improved drawing skills in boaring hours, we were pretty sure that we would miss our school days.. the fun , laughter, promises, tears, hugs ..and what not!
Then came a girl, running towards us, trying to figure out me, from the gang! And that was.......................not my aysha :(, but the girl with whom she spent most of her time, the only girl in the class, she called with a pet name, shree.. ( in 2 yrs time, i gathered as much information as i could, about aysha, my personal research, this is one among my findings! ) I donno whether her name is sreelekshmi, sridevi or whatever.. but she was aysha's best buddy, shree! 'where were u?i had been running in the whole school campus to find you, aysha is waiting, in our classroom, i gotta go home now, its getting late, bye, and best wishes'
aysha is waiting..aysha is waiting.. aysha is waiting... those were golden words.. i kept repeating it, till i reached my classroom. The whole school was deserted, except few of my classmates near the tea stall, rest left for the matinee.. my heart beats reached maximum as i neared my classroom. There i saw aysha, sitting in the second last bench, her heads down. I went near , I sat beside her, gained enough confidence to look into her eyes, only to notice that she was crying. I never had experience consoling someone. My mind went blank for a moment, and then, i holded her hands. I wanted to wipe tears off her face, i couldn't. No sardarji jokes came to my mind then ( I know that its not the time for jokes, but i used to gift my sizzy laughing tears after the India-pak war we usually have at home)
Silence followed the tears. I don't know how long i stayed, without uttering a word( very rare in my life history). I desperately tried searching for words, to find a topic to speak on, i couldn't.. "siddh, i love you" ,she was the one who broke the silence. Best moment of my life, that proved that i am worth something. I wanted to tell her how deadly i wished she was mine.. how deadly i waited for this moment, and so many dialogues i framed each night. All i could say was.. 'but..'. Me, Siddharth Raghunath, turned practical for a moment,( happened only once in my lifetime) I tried to say no to what my heart said, and went after my brain.
"I know that its not possible..., i don't want you to say an yes, i just wanted to say what i felt for you, i never wanted to fall in love with anyone, it just happened, it just happened.. i have no control over my emotions, i didn't want it talk to you anymore, i was sure that we can't be 'just friends'.. i tried to stay away from you, for the past five months, thanks for being so kind, thanks for coming to me now, thanks for those wonderful moments in chemistry lab, and my whole plus two life... i don't want an answer, your answer is not gonna change what is to come, it isn't gonna change my fate..bye" said she.
We walked together, till the school gate, she turned left, and me, to right. If i stayed with her for a few more moments, i would've opened my heart, and as she said..'it won't do anything good..' i didn't turn back..to look at her one more time!
I checked my phone.Its 3 in the morning,have to get up at 6. 1 text message. It was from Akash
"superb film ryt? will watch again.
tomorrow. evening show
I pulled my bed sheet to cover my face, all i wanted then, was a tight sleep................